You have finally decided to start a new fitness routine.

You’ve laid out your gym clothes, queued up your playlist, and set your alarm for 6 AM.

But then, morning comes. You hit snooze… again… and again.

By the time you wake up, it’s already 8:30 AM. Forget the workout, you don’t even have enough time to have breakfast properly.

This is what self-sabotage looks like. It’s when you get in your own way, often without even realizing it. And the frustrating part? You really want the thing you’re holding yourself back from. 

So why do we do this? Why do we keep breaking promises to ourselves and staying stuck in the same patterns?

Let’s find out and more importantly, figure out how to stop this cycle.

Why We Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage doesn’t happen because we’re lazy or incapable. It usually stems from deeper fears and doubts. Here are a few common reasons:

1. Fear of Failure: What if you try, and it doesn’t work out? Sometimes, staying in your comfort zone feels safer than risking failure.
2. Fear of Success: Weirdly enough, the idea of succeeding can be just as scary. Success often brings change, responsibility, or new challenges, and that can feel overwhelming.
3. Perfectionism: If it can’t be perfect, why bother at all? This all-or-nothing thinking keeps a lot of us stuck. 
4. Imposter Syndrome: You might feel like a fraud, believing your success so far is just luck. This doubt can lead to behaviors that undermine your own abilities.
5. Low Self-Worth: Deep down, you might feel like you don’t deserve the good things you’re working towards, even though that’s not true.
6. Fear of Judgement: We worry about what people might say if we fail – or even if we succeed. “What if they think I’m not qualified?” or “What if they think I’ve changed?” These thoughts make us hesitate.
7. Lack of Self-Compassion: Being too hard on yourself can prevent you from trying, as you’re already convinced you’ll fall short or make mistakes. You don’t give yourself room to be human and imperfect.

Breaking the Cycle

So, how to build a positive relationship with your inner saboteur? Here are a few easy ways to help you begin.

1. Notice the Patterns

Start by paying attention to when and how you self-sabotage. Do you procrastinate? Overthink? Set impossible goals and then give up? Once you know your patterns, it’s easier to address them.

2. Talk to Yourself Like a Friend

Consider how you would speak to a friend who is in a similar situation. You wouldn’t call them lazy or hopeless, right? You’d encourage them, remind them of their strengths, and tell them it’s okay to start small. Try doing the same for yourself.

3. Set Small, Realistic Goals

Big goals are inspiring, but they also feel overwhelming. Instead of committing to an hour of exercise every day, try setting a more manageable goal, like “I’ll get moving for 10 minutes today.” Achieving small victories helps create positive momentum.

4. Challenge Negative Thoughts

When those self-doubting thoughts creep in (“I’ll never be good at this” or “Why bother?”), question them. Are they really true? Most of the time, they’re not. Replace them with kinder, more empowering thoughts.

5. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection

Every step forward is worth celebrating, no matter how small. Did you wake up 5 minutes earlier today? That’s progress! Focus on what you’re doing right instead of beating yourself up for what’s not perfect.

6. Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

Growth often feels uncomfortable. Instead of avoiding that feeling, try to see it as a sign that you’re moving in the right direction. The more you face discomfort, the less scary it becomes.

7. Visualize Success

Spend a few minutes each day imagining how it will feel to achieve your goal. Visualize yourself succeeding and enjoying the benefits. This helps rewire your brain to believe it’s possible.

8. Ask for Help

Sometimes, breaking the cycle of self-sabotage means reaching out for support. Talk to a friend, join a group like Healing Circle by Jacqueline Kane get guidance and support from people on similar journies, or even contact a coach or therapist if you need to. 

Summing Up

Self-sabotage isn’t a life sentence. It’s a pattern— and like any pattern, you can change it. The next time you catch yourself stuck in the cycle, remember this: You’re not lazy, weak, or unworthy. You’re human. And humans are capable of incredible growth and transformation.

You don’t need to be perfect to make improvements. The key to breaking the cycle is recognizing these patterns and being kind to yourself as you work through them. So, take a deep breath, forgive yourself for past slip-ups, and take that first small step forward.