Life is full of joyous days, then there are times that are heavy on the heart. And, losing someone you love is the worst of all, especially during holidays.

I understand how hard it is to move through life when everyone around is excited about celebrations, decorations, and gatherings, however, your heart is heavy.

Losing someone you love changes everything, and when the festive season comes, their absence can feel even more painful.

You might find yourself smiling at memories of happier times only to feel the weight of their absence moments later. Alongside this, I understand how the pressure to “be happy” when your heart feels broken can be challenging.

In this blog, we’ll explore how to manage emotional pain and move through this season with love and care for yourself.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Grief is personal, and there’s no “right” way to feel during the holidays. In some moments you might feel deeply sad, while in others, you may laugh at a cherished memory. Both are valid.

Don’t pressure yourself to feel a certain way. If you’re not in the mood for celebrations, that’s okay. If a fleeting moment of joy comes in, welcome it without guilt. Your emotions may shift from minute to minute, and that’s completely normal.

Here are some ways to manage the pain and move through life.

1. Plan Ahead

The uncertainty of how you’ll feel during the holidays can be stressful. Take some time to plan ahead. Decide which traditions you want to keep, which ones you want to skip, and if there are new traditions you’d like to create in honor of your loved one.

For example:

• Keeping Traditions: If you always baked cookies together, consider making their favorite recipe and sharing it with others in their memory.

• Skipping Traditions: If decorating the tree feels too painful this year, it’s okay to skip it.

• Creating New Traditions: Light a candle in their memory or dedicate a quiet moment during your celebration to think about them.

Planning gives you a sense of control and helps reduce the anxiety of facing the unknown.

2. Seek Support from Others

Sometimes, simply having someone there to hear you out can make a world of difference.

• Lean on Others: Connect with family, friends, or a support group like Healing Circle by Jacqueline Kane, where you can share your feelings in a safe and caring space.
• Express in Your Own Way: If talking feels hard, try writing a letter to your loved one, keeping a journal, or creating a special memory book or photo collage.
• Don’t Do It Alone: Grief can feel lonely, but opening up—even a little—can help you feel less alone and more supported.

3. Take Care of Yourself

Grief can affect both your physical and emotional well-being. It’s easy to forget basic self-care during tough times, but your well-being matters. 

• Eat and Stay Hydrated: You may not feel like eating, but nourishing your body can give you the energy to cope.
• Rest: Permit yourself to rest as much as you need. Grief can take a toll on your energy.
• Move Your Body: Even a short walk outside can help clear your mind and release some stress.

4. Honor Their Memory

Finding ways to honor your loved one during the holidays can bring comfort. It’s a way to keep them close while allowing yourself to move forward.

• Set a Place for Them: Leave an empty chair at the table as a reminder of their presence in your heart.
• Share Stories: Gather with family and friends to share your favorite memories of them. Laughter and tears can both be healing.
• Give Back: Volunteer or donate to a cause they cared about. Spreading kindness in their name can bring a sense of peace.

5. Be Open to Joy

This might sound impossible, but it’s important to know that feeling joy doesn’t mean you’re forgetting or disrespecting your loved one. 

• Be Kind to Yourself: Allowing joy doesn’t mean you’re “moving on”; it means you’re finding ways to live with your loss.
• Let Joy Be a Part of Healing: Positive feelings can help you move forward while still holding your loved one close in your heart.

Closing Thoughts

The holidays will feel different without your loved one, and that’s okay. Their absence may always leave a space in your heart, but the love you shared will never fade.

Take each day as it comes. Be kind to yourself, allow your emotions to flow, and remember, it’s okay to feel both sadness and joy. Finding small ways to honor their memory can bring comfort, and leaning on others for support can help you feel less alone.

You don’t need to figure everything out at this moment. Grief is a journey, and you’re doing your best. Give yourself time, and know that it’s okay to grieve, to heal, and to hold on to the love that remains.