You’ve set a goal—perhaps it’s starting a new exercise routine, writing a book, or pursuing a career change. You’re excited, motivated, and ready to take on the world.
As you take those first steps, a familiar voice creeps in, “Are you sure you’ll be able to do it? What if you mess up?” Suddenly, your excitement turns into anxiety, and you start doubting your abilities.
This is our inner critic or inner saboteur talking. And, this is something that happens to everyone, even the most capable among us! But what if I say this inner critic isn’t all bad? In fact, it’s trying to protect us in its unique way.
Yes, you heard me right. You can actually build a positive relationship with this inner saboteur and develop greater self-awareness and resilience.
Understanding Your Inner Saboteur
The first step in building a positive relationship with your inner saboteur is to understand what it is and recognize when it shows up.
Your inner saboteur is not an enemy; rather, it’s a part of you that’s trying to protect you from something your current identity perceives as dangerous or threatening. It can stem from past experiences, fears of failure or rejection, or simply a desire to maintain the status quo.
For example, when you decide to take on a new challenge, your saboteur might chime in with thoughts like, “What if you’re not good enough?” or “You’ve never tried this before—so why begin now?” These thoughts, although discouraging, often arise from a place of wanting to shield you from potential harm or disappointment.
What Can Inner Saboteur Look Like?
The inner critic often shows up in various forms, each with its own way of undermining us. Understanding these types helps us better recognize and address them.
1. The Perfectionist
This inner saboteur sets impossibly high standards for ourselves. It convinces us that unless everything is flawless, it’s not worth trying. The perfectionist can make us procrastinate or avoid tasks out of fear of not meeting our unrealistic expectations.
2. The Inner Critic
This voice is like a relentless critic, constantly pointing out our flaws and mistakes. It diminishes our confidence and self-esteem by focusing on what we’ve done wrong rather than what we’ve accomplished.
3.The People-Pleaser
The people-pleaser inner saboteur prioritizes others’ needs and desires over our own. It can lead to overcommitting, neglecting self-care, or feeling resentful because we haven’t set healthy boundaries.
4. The Worrier
Always imagining the worst-case scenarios, the worrier inner saboteur feeds our anxiety and fear of the unknown. It stops us from taking risks or stepping out of our comfort zone.
5. The Victim
The victim inner saboteur tends to blame external factors or circumstances for our problems. It creates a sense of helplessness and can prevent us from taking responsibility for our own choices and actions.
6. The Imposter
The imposter inner saboteur makes us feel like a fraud, convincing us that we don’t deserve our successes or accomplishments. It undermines our confidence and can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
7. The Overachiever
While striving for success is healthy, the overachiever inner saboteur takes it to an extreme. It pushes us to the point of burnout or neglecting other important aspects of our lives, sacrificing our well-being for the sake of achievement.
Taming Your Inner Saboteur
- Practice Self-Compassion: Instead of harshly criticizing yourself for your inner saboteur’s antics, show yourself kindness and understanding. Acknowledge that everyone has inner struggles.
- Identify Triggers: Pay attention to situations or thoughts that trigger your inner saboteur. Understanding these triggers can help you respond more effectively when they arise.
- Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist about your inner saboteur. Sometimes, an outside perspective provides practical insights and support.
- Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness or meditation practices to observe your thoughts without judgment. This can help you detach from the influence of your saboteur.
Ways To Build Positive Relationships
By building a positive relationship with our inner critic we nurture the underconfident part of ourselves, to feel seen, heard, understood, and accepted.
1. Move Ahead With Curiosity and Empathy
Try approaching it with curiosity and kindness. Treat it like a concerned friend who wants the best for you but might be expressing it in a misguided way. When you notice that critical voice, take a moment to pause and acknowledge it. Tell yourself, “I hear you, but let’s dig this together.”
2. Challenge Negative Narratives
Challenging its negative narratives will help you shift from a reactive mindset to a more proactive and empowered one. Ask yourself questions like:
- Is there any evidence that supports or contradicts these thoughts?
- Are there any alternative ways of looking at this situation?
- What advice would I give to a friend in the same position?
3. Develop a Growth Mindset
This means viewing challenges as opportunities for learning and growth rather than fixed obstacles. When your inner saboteur tries to convince you of your limitations, remind yourself of times when you’ve overcome similar hurdles or acquired new skills through perseverance.
You are not on this journey alone. As an experienced therapist, Jacqueline understands the challenges you may be facing and is here to guide you. Join her for a special VIP retreat and say goodbye to your inner saboteur.
Final Thoughts
Acknowledge and celebrate your improvement, irrespective of how small. Remember, growth is a process that includes stumbling and learning along the way.
And, instead of striving for perfection, aim for perseverance and self-improvement. Each step forward, no matter how modest, shows your resilience and determination.
