In a recent series of the soul science podcast, I discussed with a friend of mine why it is hard for women to put their needs first. She shared an insightful story about her grandmother that illustrated it so well.
Every day at 5:00 PM sharp, her nana would drop whatever she was doing to prepare her grandfather’s cheese crackers and scotch – without fail. It didn’t matter what she was doing. When my friend asked her nana why she did this, her answer was, “That’s how your pop-pop likes it.”
I relate to what my friend was saying. I’ve also seen it when working with women. Some of my clients, who have fibromyalgia, find it hard to say no. They would rather get sick and say, “I’m sick. I can’t come over.” Rather than say, “ I don’t want to come today.”
Why women put themselves last
Why is this theme prevalent in the work that I do with women? One reason why this happens for so many women is because these beliefs were deeply ingrained from a young age.
Look at the portrayal of women in some of the shows we watched as children. June Cleaver of the sitcom “Leave it to the Beaver” was always perfectly dressed and the ideal homemaker. Phrases like “Daddy’s home, be quiet kids,” were common in the comedy. Also, Mrs. Cleaver had to be all dressed and have her makeup on when daddy came home.
In addition to watching such shows, some mothers reminded their daughters that it was always important to play nice. That’s why many women think that other people’s needs should come before their own.
How to turn things around
Things are shifting. Women are doing more sports and they are putting themselves first. But some of us still do not prioritize our needs.
For example, we might feel that it is easier to take care of things around the house than to ask someone to help. It’s hard to change the pattern because it’s deeply ingrained in us. The following tips can help.
Talk to your family members
First, you need to have a conversation with your family members. When I first got married, I was the one doing the cleaning, cooking, shopping, and food planning. But I shifted that. I didn’t hand out a memo to say, “Hey, we’re not doing that anymore.” But I told them that it couldn’t work anymore.
After having this conversation, set aside certain days when you eat out. Alternatively, another family member can take over the planning and cooking. A conversation is key because if you don’t talk about it, you’ll feel resentment.
Take time to do something for yourself
Second, take time to do things for yourself. Whether that’s getting your nails done, going for a walk, going to the gym, or taking a yoga class.
This will give you some self-worth and help you feel good about yourself. You need to feel good about yourself before taking care of someone else.
Surround yourself with the right people
Finally, be careful about the friends that you choose. If you are sensitive, you are likely to pick up negativity from other people.
For example, women with fibromyalgia take in things like a sponge. If such a person goes to visit someone in the hospital, within 24 hours they will be in severe pain because they have soaked up everybody else’s pain.
Conclusion
A lot of healing and self-love is needed for you to stand in your power.
Luckily, when you decide to put your needs first, the universe meets you there. Negative people will stop coming around you and other opportunities show up. But it has to start with you saying, “I want something better.”
Join my exclusive Facebook group “Healing Circle by Jacqueline.” It is a safe space for women to heal and support each other on their journey to recovery.
You could also contact me. As a master energy healer and coach, I will uncover and transform the blocks causing your physical, emotional, and financial pain so that you can live the life that you were born for.
